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Comedian tweet
Mike Carano -
Spider landed on me. I shook him off, squirted him with Windex, then flushed him down the toilet.
He drew first blood. He drew first blood.
Mon, 6 Sep 2010 21:32:02 PDT
Katt Williams -
thank you ma'am
Mon, 6 Sep 2010 21:26:38 PDT
David Spade -
why is it that everyone that works at cheesecake factory looks like the cast of GLEE... hmm
Mon, 6 Sep 2010 21:26:19 PDT
Tony Rock -
I think I'm gonna go to Houston tomorrow...
Mon, 6 Sep 2010 21:24:31 PDT
Katt Williams -
thank you ma'am
Mon, 6 Sep 2010 21:22:41 PDT
Katt Williams -
Happy birthday to all my fellow virgo twiggaz, ya dig!
Mon, 6 Sep 2010 21:19:53 PDT
Tony Rock -
Spell check... I meant @mixed_dollface aka CHINKYEYEDBLACKGIRL
Mon, 6 Sep 2010 21:18:54 PDT
Mike Carano -
My penis still works, at least I have that.
Mon, 6 Sep 2010 21:07:49 PDT
Tony Rock -
About to wreck 5 guys burgers w/ @mixed_dollface (aka chicnyeyedblackgirl) and Hot 97 (aka Kelly).
Mon, 6 Sep 2010 21:03:11 PDT
David Feldman -
RT @pattonoswalt: Dear God, I love Bumbershoot. Every part of it.
Mon, 6 Sep 2010 21:01:48 PDT
David Feldman -
RT @funnyoneliners: Someone left the cake out in the rain. Luckily it was a spongecake.
RT @WendyLiebman
Mon, 6 Sep 2010 21:01:29 PDT
David Feldman -
DougBenson RT Marc is being sentenced to 5 years on September 10. Please read the latest Marc Emery Prison Blog, #12 - http://bit.ly/crDUDn
Mon, 6 Sep 2010 21:01:06 PDT
David Feldman -
RT @PRTandWiseline: Busting gut listening to @feldo's Terror Babies podcast http://bit.ly/aXLkyj
Mon, 6 Sep 2010 21:00:01 PDT
Wendy Liebman -
I want to get on Jeopardy. I'll lose, but I look good from the waist up.
Mon, 6 Sep 2010 20:55:06 PDT
Todd Barry -
get me booked there!!
Mon, 6 Sep 2010 20:48:32 PDT
Anjelah Johnson -
and I made a chicken pot pie from scratch w/ my sisters recipe. So proud of us. Haha #fb Link
Mon, 6 Sep 2010 20:45:38 PDT
Dane Cook -
oh man I'm missing all the good stuff. I got a rap battle shout out? Is it on tape? @JosephKahn #Detention
Mon, 6 Sep 2010 20:44:21 PDT
Mike Carano -
Old guy in Domino's van tailgating me. Only texting cause it's pissing him off. Going to hit brakes to try and make the pizzas slide around.
Mon, 6 Sep 2010 20:41:38 PDT
Greg Proops -
Portland, I need Powell's and Huber's. Be with me, Proop's.
Mon, 6 Sep 2010 20:40:31 PDT
Jamie Kaler -
Football is alive and well. Great game tonight.
Mon, 6 Sep 2010 20:36:05 PDT
Seth Meyers -
Thank you for the outstanding football game, Boise State and VT.
Mon, 6 Sep 2010 20:34:24 PDT
Sandra Bernhard -
that is insane! i love eggplant though so let me think about it
Mon, 6 Sep 2010 20:15:30 PDT
Mike Carano -
I hope everybody had a safe and happy Labor Day weekend.
(Except tow truck drivers and meter maids. You both can fuck off)
Mon, 6 Sep 2010 20:05:53 PDT
Wendy Liebman -
My sister went to Burning Man and all I got was this lousy pile of ashes.
Mon, 6 Sep 2010 19:58:53 PDT
Mike Carano -
Well, I do believe it, and I don't have bridge money.
Me talking to old guy at Ralphs.
Mon, 6 Sep 2010 19:58:08 PDT
Ellen Degeneres -
Our Season 8 premiere is in exactly one week! Can?t wait for ya?ll to see the fun stuff we?ve been working on. #EllenRocksTheVMAs
Mon, 6 Sep 2010 19:55:50 PDT
Mike Carano -
7:45 pm. Just woke up from a nap.
I'll be complaining about insomnia in less than four hours.
Mon, 6 Sep 2010 19:51:54 PDT
Gilbert Godfried -
Right now I'm on a rerun of the Hasselhoff Roast on Comedy Central. Rush home.
Mon, 6 Sep 2010 19:46:05 PDT
Wendy Liebman -
I hope you don't catch the bouquet. #donthavejokeyeteither
Mon, 6 Sep 2010 19:27:34 PDT
Chris Finnegan -
Man, as of midnight tonight this white cock-ring is going to look really gauche.
Mon, 6 Sep 2010 19:25:38 PDT
Chelsea Handler -
I just found a piece of lettuce in my belly button.
Mon, 6 Sep 2010 19:21:10 PDT
Wendy Liebman -
Mercury isn't in retrograde. It's now in Jeremy Piven.
Mon, 6 Sep 2010 19:18:10 PDT
Wendy Liebman -
Because some of them sound the same and they want to make sure the BMI check goes to the right person?
Mon, 6 Sep 2010 19:17:07 PDT
Cheech Marin -
Love your stuff ... had it at my wedding reception - ask Melissa to send you pix
Mon, 6 Sep 2010 19:14:12 PDT
Gary Owen -
Craigslist getting rid of "Adult" feature oh well back to the street corners hookers.
Mon, 6 Sep 2010 19:10:35 PDT
Todd Barry -
About to do a college show for new freshmen. Translation: about to bomb.
Mon, 6 Sep 2010 19:06:05 PDT
Sarah Silverman -
The kid on 2 1/2 Men is a man. They have to change the title to Three Men. I WILL DIE ON THIS HILL
Mon, 6 Sep 2010 19:00:32 PDT
Charlie Murphy -
Don't forget to pick up the book "Charlie Murphy" The Making of A Stand Up Guy. In all major book stores or on line @ Amazon.com
Mon, 6 Sep 2010 18:57:55 PDT
Todd Barry -
Backstage in Illinois. Water, chicken fingers, and an organ. Link
Mon, 6 Sep 2010 18:43:32 PDT
Finesse Mitchell -
Do NOT start. I can't believe what I am watching right now. #VT=> RT @Finessemitchell: @TishaLewis lol!"< SMH
Mon, 6 Sep 2010 18:41:40 PDT
Cheech Marin -
Thanks for the follow, but Twitter gave me my name back -- I'm @CheechMarin (no more @RichardMarin!) - @CheechandChong, too!
Mon, 6 Sep 2010 18:39:22 PDT
Cheech Marin -
... ahem, how did Tommy and I miss the invitation to attend? Hhmm ... we'll be in Vancouver? My peeps will go -- send deets!
Mon, 6 Sep 2010 18:37:15 PDT
Gary Owen -
Brent Musburger looks old as shit. Hes been calling sports since that guy wrecked on the ski jump.
Mon, 6 Sep 2010 18:34:32 PDT
Tony Rock -
You in Miami??
Mon, 6 Sep 2010 18:27:13 PDT
Sandra Bernhard -
kiss kiss it's fashion week again! and rosh hashonah!
Mon, 6 Sep 2010 18:23:29 PDT
Maryellen Hooper -
Bought a REAL pillow today...replaced the $5 one I've had for decades that, according to @Oprah, is filled with enough DNA to clone myself.
Mon, 6 Sep 2010 18:23:11 PDT
